Prove Her Wrong

Finally!

February 7th, 2010

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I have always been very independent. If I was not independent financially from my mother as I was growing up, I still lived my life the way I wanted to. I was careful not to go beyond my limits though. It was as if, even if I made my own choices, I also made and followed my own regulations. This trait has served me right until this very day.

Having grown up in a hostile environment, I learned to be strong so whatever came my way after I left my mother, I was able to overcome. Although my childhood memories come with a lot of hurt and pain, I am still thankful to my mother because she was the reason I became a strong person.

Right now, I am very happy with my home life. I have a wonderful husband and it’s been 15 years and going strong. I have 3 great kids who are growing up to be good persons. I try to make our home life as harmonious as possible. I don’t want my kids to grow up in a home where there is a lot of fighting and shouting. I teach them to communicate to me in a positive way. Most of all, our home is overflowing with love and faith in God. No matter what I went through in my childhood, they were all replaced with what I have now.

I was able to prove my mothe wrong that I will not be happy in life and that I will not succeed.

Make Your Own Choices

February 7th, 2010

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If you’ve read my posts on “proving my mother wrong” , this story about proving my sister wrong is related to it. My mother always said I was the bad guy and my sisters were the good guys. Although we all got good grades in school and I was more popular than the two of them , they was a very obedient daughters to my mother. They obeyed everything my mother said even if it was wrong. For instance, my mother insisted that my youngest sister forego a relationship with a much older guy just because he was rich which ofcourse my sister obeyed. They broke up eventually. My sisters obeyed when my mother chose the college course they were going to take instead of having to think for themselves what they really wanted in life.

I’ve always been very independent probably because I was most ignored in the family so I wanted to make my own life. I wanted to prove to my sisters that you can make your own decisions and succeed. Listening and obeying to your parents is a very good thing but sometimes you also have to think of your own. I chose my own path in life. I chose to get married early but I also chose to make it work. I chose to succeed in my career for my family. I chose to give my children a good life.

When my mother died, my two sisters were at a loss because they were so used to having someone tell them what to do. At the moment they are both struggling with their finances and with their lives and all because someone else chose for them.

Getting Married Early

February 7th, 2010

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I married early in life to get away from my mother. I was only 20 years old but I made sure that I married the man I love. He was someone I knew would take care of me. Now, we have been married for 15 years and I know I’m a lucky woman to have found my husband.

Back then, my mother did not approve of my early marriage but being stubborn as I was and wanting to get away from her, I insisted. Life was hard and I knew it wouldn’t be easy raising my own family but I found a different kind of joy in starting my own family. It felt as if finally, I had my very own family. I was overwhelmed with joy when I gave birth to my son. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs but my husband and I never let go of each other. We were always partners in everything.

My mother kept saying to me back then, what a huge mistake I made in marrying early but it was the best thing I did in my life. I’m not saying it is the best thing for everybody. In fact, I believe that you should wait for the right time and the right person to get married to but each and everyone of us have a different situation in life. Looking back now, I have no regrets. I have a wonderful family who loves me.

Going To College

January 24th, 2010

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As a teenager at home, I wasn’t happy but outside of it, I guess I was. I was never in bad company. I had good friends. I was popular in highschool and my teachers loved me. They became my family although they never knew it. Time came when I had to go away for college. I was excited because of the sense of freedom but also scared because it was the first time for me to be away from home.

The first year of college, I had to live with some relatives who treated me much the same as my mother did. The thing when you’re adopted is that, people don’t always have to tell you but they always make sure that you feel that you’re really not part of them. I always tell myself that I should not let other people affect me. They should not stop me from doing what I’m supposed to do with my life and that being adopted is something not to be ashamed of.

And so, I lived a new life in college. I gained more friends and became more honest with myself. I knew I still had a lot to learn and I still am not finished with my battles but I am never going to give up.

Enemies

January 24th, 2010

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“You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something, sometime in your life.” I read this somewhere. My mother was never my enemy. She was just always a symbol to me of sadness, fear and anger. Sadness, Fear, and Anger..they were my enemies. I wanted to save her but I couldn’t because she wanted to wallow in those feelings and took it out on me. I resolved I wouldn’t be like her. I would be the opposite when I grew up and had my own family. Some people stand up for something at a point in their lives but I have stood up for what I believed in all the 19 years I stayed with my mother and siblings. It was a constant battle of beliefs.

I made enemies in my life because of her. Though I didn’t want to be like her, in my heart I always wanted to please her and a point came when I had to hurt other people just to please her. There was a longing to be accepted and loved even if I knew it was never going to happen. I had never heard her say “I love you” either to me or my siblings or not even to my father when he was alive. She showed her love to my siblings by pushing them to be the best in school. I pushed myself to be the best so she would love me but that never worked.

Looking back now, perhaps she did love me in her own way…but whatever way that was, I never understood when I was young.

I’m adopted and my mom says I won’t do any good

January 23rd, 2010

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I am an adopted child and there’s no shame in it. I grew up with people telling me all the time what a bad person I was simply because I wouldn’t follow their rules which I didn’t believe in . Mine is a long sad story but something that all you guys will learn from; which is believe in yourself and don’t let what other people say get into your head and your heart. People who were supposed to encourage me during my childhood did not and as a result, I learned to encourage myself and be a strong person. I am not bitter today but thankful that because of those experiences I am a good person and the opposite of what my mom expected me to be. Follow my story and you will learn a lot. Also feel free to comment on my stories. I would welcome any feedbacks.

What loneliness really means

January 23rd, 2010

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People say that when somebody you love dies, it takes a while for it to sink in. My experience was different. When my father died, I knew at once that he was gone for good. And at that very moment, I had resolved that I will not fail him; that I needed to be strong or he would be sad. In my child’s mind, I knew he was somewhere looking over me but could never defend or take care of me anymore. And this was the saddest part of my life. Remembering it now, I am filled with sadness. A sadness that does not go away with time. You just learn to live with it. They say too that the sun shines brightest after a storm but my storm went on for years and I stood there like a sturdy tree and waited till the sun shone.

A huge change in our lives

January 23rd, 2010

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After my dad died, everything changed. There was no laughter in the house and my mom would moan and howl beside my dads clothes. There was no security in our lives from then on. We were all so used to having a good life and we didn’t anticipate that because of my father’s death, our finances would be in great jeopardy. My mother, although with a college degree had never worked a single day since she got married. I knew we were going to get social services support but that was it. I wanted to help but being a child, I couldn’t do anything. Eventually she got over it but she had a hard time getting a job.

I knew at that time that there was no one to defend me anymore. I was vulnerable to my mother’s anger and when she shouted at me and became violent, I would shout back in return and reason out. We were always arguing and fighting so I turned my attention to my studies and looked for affection from my friends at school till I was in my teens. I learned to take care of myself. I had to be tough. I got very good grades in school and became very active in extra-curricular activities. I won contests, quiz bees and competitions in other schools. I became very popular. The attention I lacked at home was given to me by other people who admired me and I worked harder to be the best because that was the only way other people would love me. I realized later on, that it was superficial. It was the kind of love and admiration that faded over time. Little did I realize back then that my mother was just as confused as I was and also trying to be tough in her own way.

In my teens

January 23rd, 2010

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A few years had gone by since my father’s death and we had all moved on. My teen life was normal on the outside. I was still feisty with my mom when I thought I had to defend myself but outside of the house, I was liked by everyone I knew. Although, I was a disturbed child, I wasn’t the kind who would resort to drugs or drinking. I never tried that, not even smoking and I never ran away from home. I had a goal in mind. I had to stay and finish my studies. The only way I could finish my studies was to bear my mother’s angst and I knew that I was tough enough to bear it.

I remember a time when I loved her so much. I worried about her and prayed for her but somehow that love slowly faded because of the wall between us. There was so much hurt. My mother became violent at times and would hurt me because I reasoned out. Once she cut off a portion of my hair. Another time she pushed me off the stairs. I also remember a time when she tore my clothes and tried to push me out of the door.What hurt me more was when she and my siblings shouted to my face that I was adopted like it was a crime and I resented that so much.I also resented the fact that she didn’t want to work for us but just wanted to depend on social services for help and my grandfather’s support. A child imprints traumatic memories on their minds.

I’m not going to say that she hurt me even if I did nothing. I was very opinionated, perhaps as a defense and she couldn’t take it. I’m also not going to make my mom look like she was a monster because was not. We just didn’t get along like two people going in different directions.

My mom would tell other people how bad I was and I never cared because I knew in my heart that I wasn’t. And that was how we grew further apart…because we believed in different things and all these things shaped me into what I have become now. As I grew older, I realized more and more that she was a victim as I was of circumstances in our lives.

I became an adult at 9-years old.

January 23rd, 2010

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My life before I was 9 years old was heaven. Although I was adopted, my father loved me so much and was the apple of his eye. Whenever he went out, I was with him. We were together all of the time. For some reason back them, I already knew my mom resented me. She kept saying my dad gave me more attention than he did my 2 other sisters and a brother who were their biological children. They always got into fights because of me and in a way, they grew apart because my father always defended me. Whenever I did something wrong, my mom would shout to my face that I was adopted; something that my other siblings picked up and would also shout at me when we got into fights. I didn’t believe them though. I thought they were just jealous of me. Or maybe, I just didn’t want to believe it at that time. It didn’t matter to me then, because I had my dad. He was the world to me and I adored him.

One day, as I was walking home from school, I noticed that there were a lot of people in our driveway. It looked like there was a commotion going on. When I went inside, I found my mom crying beside my dad who was sitting on our living room sofa. His eyes were closed and his feet were propped up. I slowly came near them and a relative placed a crucifix on his chest. His eyes were closed and a tear was on one of his eyes. I realized there was something really wrong and I tried to wake him up and an uncle gently took me away outside and told me that my father had an aneurysm.

I felt so lonely beyond words and feelings. I felt that even if I cried a bucket of tears, it wasn’t enough. It was as if a part of me had died. The only person I leaned on to had passed on. I knew it was going to be a different life without him, and so it became. I am no longer a baby, his baby. That very day, I turned into an adult because I knew the one person who loved me was gone.

Prove Her Wrong

Who are you proving wrong today?

Finally!

Make Your Own Choices

Getting Married Early

Going To College

Enemies

I’m adopted and my mom says I won’t do any good

What loneliness really means

A huge change in our lives

In my teens

I became an adult at 9-years old.

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