After my dad died, everything changed. There was no laughter in the house and my mom would moan and howl beside my dads clothes. There was no security in our lives from then on. We were all so used to having a good life and we didn’t anticipate that because of my father’s death, our finances would be in great jeopardy. My mother, although with a college degree had never worked a single day since she got married. I knew we were going to get social services support but that was it. I wanted to help but being a child, I couldn’t do anything. Eventually she got over it but she had a hard time getting a job.

I knew at that time that there was no one to defend me anymore. I was vulnerable to my mother’s anger and when she shouted at me and became violent, I would shout back in return and reason out. We were always arguing and fighting so I turned my attention to my studies and looked for affection from my friends at school till I was in my teens. I learned to take care of myself. I had to be tough. I got very good grades in school and became very active in extra-curricular activities. I won contests, quiz bees and competitions in other schools. I became very popular.  The attention I lacked at home was given to me  by other people who admired me  and I worked harder to be the best because that was the only way other people would love me. I realized later on, that it was superficial. It was the kind of love and admiration that faded over time. Little did I realize back then that my mother was just as confused as I was and also trying to be tough in her own way.